Girlie Part Doctor

Alright, so I went to the doctor today and I had thought that he would cure my pain, I was wrong.

I probably do have endometriosis; my uterus is enlarged, i am having extremely heavy periods with huge clots and break through bleeding during my cycle. I’ve had zero sex drive for a couple years now, I’ve been having allergy issues for about a year, which i have not had before; fatigue ALWAYS, migraines, and obviously chronic pelvic pain.

But of course insurance is not going to pay for a scope to get an absolute diagnosis until i jump through all their hoops, go through months more of pain trying out different things to alleviate it and whatever else they’re going to make me do. Step one, I have to take birth control for three months and then go back to the doctor and see how it is in January. Then I guess he will do an MRI.

The whole entire reason that I got fixed in the first place is because I am terrified of medication, especially birth control because it can literally kill you. Birth control pills can cause high blood pressure and blood clots, they have FOUR possible fatal side effects {THAT MEANS YOU CAN DIE}; pulmonary embolism, deep vein thrombosis, heart attack or stroke! I don’t think I am going to be able to do this, I’m so scared.

We picked it up today, I just have to get the balls to start taking it. If I want them to get rid of my pain I have to do what I have to do I guess. I’ve been reading about endometriosis and birth control is apparently one of the main treatments so maybe it will fix my pain, I don’t know. I’m just so tired it has been nearly 4 weeks of pain, ridiculous. What if it fixes my pain just in time to kill me?

I’m going to research natural methods, cures or whatever you know. You know me, I have to find ways to cure myself because the doctors here can’t fix me, most of them are morons. I won’t be able to do this for a while I don’t think. But I just can’t keep living with this pain, I just can’t, it’s miserable.

I am just gonna have to fix myself. I don’t know how Tim keeps tolerating his foot pain for years, just a living with it. I don’t understand how people can just fucking live in pain and misery. It’s like they accept it as the way it was meant to be. Well no, it isn’t. I’m not going to, I refuse to.

I’m going to to find a way to take care of myself, because there’s no way in hell I’m going to live the rest of my life like this. I’m not going to live a year like this, or another month. Part of me feels like I should see another doctor, but the one I saw today is probably one of the best ones that are in this town, period. So, if I’m going to see someone else I’m going to have to go out of town, not so simple for a girl who doesn’t even know how to drive.

No Cat Got Run Over

Another master manipulator in our midst.

So, yesterday Tim and i went to dinner at my favourite restaurant. My daughter’s boyfriend works there and a couple waitresses came to our table and asked how my daughter was doing after the cat got run over. We had no idea what they were talking about. The two cats who don’t go outside are both in, Lucian and Lucifer. Both outside cats came around earlier and even today, Horatio and Sock.

We told them all the cats were just fine and if her cat had been run over, she’d be back in the psych ward where he wouldn’t visit her more than once again. They were pretty hurt to find out he lied. He also told them he had to come up with two hundred dollars to pay for the creamation, with a straight face.

They told me to tell him they said hi, but i didn’t see him again til after they msgd him themselves. I guess they were too hurt to wait til he came in next. He and my daughter got into a fight. And he said he was breaking up with her and this was all my fault because i should have played along. Like i was suppose to know he was going around lying about weird shit.

He even went as far as to threaten to take screenshots of my posts and show them to my work. I said go ahead. Some cock suck already did that and she knows i hate her and already tried to get me in trouble for it. Supposedly that was his mom’s idea. Whatever. I don’t fucking care, they’re both evil.

Little bitch threatened me so now i have absolutely zero respect for him or his mother. I blocked them both on everything, i don’t need that vile shit, i get enough of that at work.

Then i overheard him telling someone on the phone that those ladies were talking shit about him to patrons and that my daughter just hadn’t had the heart to tell me about the cat. Two are on my bed, one is out back where i can see him and the 4th was just let outside a short time ago. So wtf. No cat got run over, period.

He’s a leech, he rarely gives me anything to help with bills, and that’s only after i throw a tantrum he’ll throw me a 30 or 40, once 80. Takes 45 minute showers, does no housework, although he uses dishes and dirties laundry. All he does is order pizza and play xbox when he’s not working. Supposedly he gives his mother all his money, well go live with your mommy then.

I think he stupidly assumed that since i quit drinking i wouldn’t go there again, he assumed wrong. I didn’t go there just for the vodka. Dumbass.

Well i will no longer protect him from my kids or Tim, I’ll let him make the rules now. I’ve stopped him from voicing his opinion for over a year, no more. He can say anything he damn well pleases to him.