Control and Greed

This is a short paper I wrote for school, about whether or not I feel that two specific “religions” have cult-like characteristics and why I feel that way. You do not have to agree with me, this is my personal opinion.

These two particular “religions” are most certainly cult-like. Both use illusory correlations to manipulate people into doing what they want. They will go to any length to achieve their goals. They are pure evil, the opposite of what they claim to be. The basis of both these “religions”, is control and greed. 

Jehovah’s witnesses are run by liars that use reciprocal determinism, using pieces of the Bible and twisting them around to instill fear so they can control people. They force you to read stories with terrifying pictures of Armageddon. They keep you isolated and look down on having friends. If you do not agree with something, they will shun you and possibly even retaliate. They are liars and they are dangerous. 

Jehovah’s Witnesses use cognitive dissonance. They, literally, breed their children with extreme beliefs so they grow up believing they can trust no one except Jehovah’s Witness elders. In which case, they must trust them at all cost, even to the point of sexual abuse. They teach them to fear the outside world, anyone who does not believe the same as them, is evil.   

Scientology uses group think and it was created by humans; they use personal aspirations to get people into their web. They especially target people looking for fame, or at least to make a name for themselves. They convince you they can make your dreams come true, if you come to one of their special classes. Once they get you to come to one of their many facilities, you are theirs. Not necessarily because you even want to. They are master manipulators, they know how to make you feel obligated to do things for the greater good, trap you. 

Like Jehovah’s Witnesses, they brain wash you, using a person-centered approach. You think, with them you will achieve all your dreams. They use videos and famous people to convince you that working with them will get you to your goals quicker. You feel like they have all the answers.  But once they get you to put one foot in their circle, you belong to them. 

 They guilt you into buying more and more of their products, to give them all your money, to apply for credit cards so you can give them money. They pressure you to sign up for classes that you do not need and then they stalk you to pay for them by following you around at the meetings you are mandated to attend multiple times a week. They call you in your home day and night multiple times a day until you find someone to give you the amount of money they are demanding, usually in the thousands.  

They gain complete control over you, isolate you from your friends and family. Force you into communal living, usually in inhumane circumstances. They monitor what you do and what you say. If you get too close to the opposite sex, they force marriage upon you. If you get pregnant, even though married, they force you to get an abortion because it will get in the way of what they want you to get accomplished. Which is to make them more money. 


“Education is the key to unlock the golden door of freedom.”
-George Washington Carver

Dear Diary… I did, indeed, take a break day as previously stated that I would. TJ biked and lifted weights though, I’m so proud of him.

I got my nails all filed down and ready to do a back fill on them tomorrow morning after working out. I’m kinda dreading it, I fear I’m going to do an awful job.

After I have them all filled TJ is going to paint them for me. That part will probably turn out great, TJ is a great artist.

I am signed up for English, Psychology, Writing and P.E. I am officially a college student, I start on Monday. For the duration of medical martial law, it is completely online.

Nothing exciting to report, elsewise.  Until next time.

Look to the Future

“Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.”
-Ozzy Osbourne

Dearest diary, I nearly didn’t even workout at all today. I am pretty wiped out after working out seven days straight. I can’t go to the doctor because my doctor is incompetent, as I’ve spoke of previously.

Because of this, I must look out for myself, paying attention to the signs my body gives me. I haven’t really noticed any SVTs or palpitations for quite a while now. I think alcohol was a significant contributing factor in the av nodal re-entrant tachycardia.

Alcohol is poison, if only I had accepted that 28 years ago, perhaps I would have already achieved my dream.

No point dwelling on the past though, right? Look to the future. 
Until next time,
-Olive Kotov


“He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Dear diary, TJ got me up to workout this morning. I’ve got to say, were it not for him, I definitely would have taken a break day. I probably need one, but I won’t get big with break days!

Hopefully, if we survive this pandemic, I will eventually make it as a professional bodybuilder. Of course, I will never get there if I don’t get rid of this stupid beer belly. I’ve almost been dry for a year, why won’t it leave?

Maybe this quarantine will get me closer to my goals. Looking for the positive within the negative here. Speaking of.

Lera stopped by today. She’s been watching all the Harry Potter movies over and over. She never really got into those when they were really popular.

She’s considering moving to New Haven, Connecticut. She wants to get a B.A. in Art at Yale University. WHAT?! Why wouldn’t she do that online? That’s like clear across the country!

It was real nice to see her though. Hopefully she decides to do something else or go to college here. I worry about them while they live in town, how would I handle any of them being so far away?

Ugg, time to sleep.

Olive Kotov

Scarlet Optimism

“If we survive this pandemic, we mustn’t again take for granted the blessings that are bestowed upon us.”
-Sil Hattaavah

Dear diary, today was another boring day in the Kotov house. TJ and I worked out together again this morning. I’m proud of him for getting up and getting on that bike. It’s a good push for myself as well. Two of the last three days I most likely wouldn’t have gotten up.

I’m starting to get tired of being locked away at home. I even missed my nail appointment today because everything was forced to fucking close.

I know it’s not truly an important thing, but it’s the one thing I’ve consistently done for myself since I quit smoking. It makes me feel good about myself, pretty.

Tally says her nail girl works from home and may do it for me as she only has one client at a time under normal circumstances. I haven’t heard any more, and I wouldn’t hold my breath anyway. She doesn’t even know me.

Well actually, one plus is, I got my advising appointment scheduled for Monday morning. I emailed her my transcript and my placement test so she can decide which classes I need to start with.

Katja reports that her mouth is still hurting badly. I told her maybe the emergency room. She thinks they won’t see her because of the virus shit happening. I don’t see why they wouldn’t see her because of that. I might make her go tomorrow if it’s not feeling better.

She hasn’t slept, ate or drank in two days because it hurts so bad. But you know, according to the dentist’s office, it isn’t an emergency.

I am seriously looking forward to things going back to normal, I hope they do.

*sigh* I reckon it’s time to sleep. I have a feeling I may be spending a good portion of my day at the hospital tomorrow.

Well, goodnight, stay safe.

A Thursday

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
-Rene Descartes

Dear Diary, good evening. Turns out mister crazy-pants, that kept bugging me in the mornings, wasn’t all wrong. Not any less irritating, stupid people disgust me. But this virus thing is real.

Over the past couple weeks the idiots of the world have been hoarding swaddle doodle (toilet paper) of all things! And allot of other things in the last week since towns have been closing down.

Mind you, this is an upper respiratory virus, what the hell does swaddle doodle have to do with that? My mom started posting memes about that a month ago, I thought she’d fallen off her rocker. That’s what I get for not watching news.

So here we are on day four of medical martial law. This is my third day getting up and working out and biking AND taking all my supplements. Also on a sidenote, it’s my 335th dry day.

TJ got up with me this morning and he biked while I lifted weights.  He went ten miles! Then I biked while he watered his plants around the house.

This worldwide lockdown is a little bit disconcerting. I find myself wondering if I will ever actually see my dream come true.

I feel like I have something to contribute to the world that may never be. So many conspiracy theories out there. So many unknowns. It’s frightening.

I notice I spend a good portion of my days trying to convince myself that all this chaos during this pandemic is temporary. Part of me believes that, part of me does not.


Katja called me crying about her mouth hurting because the filling fell out of the tooth that they did a root canal in about a year ago. TJ went and took her to the emergency dentist.

Just as I am about to step in the shower my watch zings me. It’s the dentists office.

Receptionist: You just dropped Katja off with us here at Citizenry Dental?

Me: Yea, what’s wrong?

Receptionist: Nothing, I’m just calling to let you know she’s done.

Me: What? She’s done? Already!? She literally just got there!

Receptionist: Yes, she can explain it to you when you see her.

Me: Uh, okay then.

I call TJ, hoping he has his phone with him because he’s probably not gotten far from their office.

He answers and says he’ll head back, he is only about five minutes away.

They arrive just after I’m out of the shower and dressed.

Me: What did they say?

Katja: They wouldn’t even see me. They gave me an appointment for May. They said they only see emergencies right now and this isn’t an emergency. She’s crying.

Me: How is it not an emergency? They couldn’t see your filling is missing? See that you’re in pain?

Katja: They didn’t even look in my mouth. First they said I never had a root canal on that tooth or any work done on that tooth at all, at that. The nurse looked at my last xray and they realized I had, but said they aren’t bothering the doctor for non-emergencies.

Me: It is a fucking emergency.

Katja: She said it’s not infected so it’s not an emergency.

Me: So they did do an exam?

Katja: No. They only looked at the last x-ray.

Me: Then how can they possibly know there’s no infection?… I’ll go get some tooth medicine when TJ’s done burning the burnables. Maybe you can saturate some gauze and stuff it in there.

Katja: Mom, it hurts so bad, I can’t stand it, I literally want to die. She’s pretty close to bawling. I can’t believe they didn’t fucking do anything.

Me: I’m so sorry Katja, I don’t know what else to do other than get some good tooth medicine. And take 1,000 mg Tylenol and 800 mg Motrin together. Maybe, if you keep going every day they’ll see you just to get you to quit coming in.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand how it couldn’t be an emergency. They’re the ones that did the bleeding root canal in the first place.

An unsupervised student did her root canal in FOUR two-hour appointments. And now that she’s in excruciating pain, because of them, they do nothing.

I’m thinking they’re doing shit work, period. I had a filling put in around the same time and it fell out about six months ago. It’s super annoying, I have to brush frequently to keep food out of it. God forbid it actually starts hurting, takes about 3-4 months to get into the dentist.

I had a cleaning mid February, I told them about it then. I said, and I quote. “I didn’t bother calling you guys because it doesn’t hurt yet so I knew you wouldn’t care. “

She pretty much brushed it off. Ah well, I knew they wouldn’t care, lol. She scheduled me for a filling late May.

Most all the doctors here are lacking in the intelligence department. Most of them are incompetent and or arrogant. My primary is both. I dislike him so much that I self diagnose and find ways to cure myself, just so I don’t have to see him.

Anyway, I went on Citizenry Dental’s Facebook page, funny they have a post about being opened for emergencies. So I wrote them a nice post.

My daughter went in because the filling came out of the root canal you did and it is excruciating.
Pain relievers and her temp filling from Walmart is no longer helping, at what point will it be considered an emergency?”

I found some Red Cross tooth pain liquid at Riteaid that you dip a teeny sponge in and put it in the tooth hole. Hopefully that brought her some relief. I have not heard anything from her for the last couple hours.


I’m lying in bed watching M*A*S*H. I use to hate this show, now I find it to be one of my favourites. It’s almost therapeutic.

Hopefully tomorrow I have something exciting and fun to write about!