Posted on July 19, 2020
My first venture out walking after weeks of bed turned into a terrifying little walk that I can’t stop dwelling on.
My son Karek and I took a walk to the store. On the way, we decided to detour to PokéHill, a hill in which there are multiple pokéstops and a pokégym. Hence the nick-name PokéHill. Before my girlie part pain started, I would walk there two to three times a day.
Right before we got to the turnoff, we noticed three people walking toward our street, and I thought one had a rake or something along that line. I didn’t look directly at them, and I didn’t think much of it until Karek said that they looked like they were up to no good. I asked what he meant, and he said he didn’t know, but they had a rope, and they just looked suspicious.
I decided we should not go to PokéHill, and we turned off on the next street; So did they. We sped up, so did they. I was rapidly becoming more fearful for our lives. I didn’t have my knife or my pepper spray, and the pain from the pelvic congestion syndrome I am going through was quickly worsening, trying to walk faster.
Just before we got to the next turnoff, I was contemplating calling the police. Karek looked back again, and they were gone, just disappeared. I feared they had a better way to grab us, but we safely made it to the store. Is it odd that I feel like I am in the twilight zone right now?
I don’t know if it was just coincidence or if they genuinely had sinister intentions. But what I do know is that the feelings I felt during this opened my eyes to what is going on in our world—even in our town. It is everywhere, and there is no escape.
You see this stuff all over the news and the social media—about rioting and looting and so much unrest everywhere. But it never hit home really until today. This world is full of evil people that want nothing more than to make others suffer. Why? Because misery loves company.
There was nothing racial about this; there aren’t even any actual riots here that I am aware of. There was nothing to be hateful about; they were just malicious. Perhaps they had no real intention of harming us. Maybe they just wanted to do what they did—scare us.
Now that hours have passed, Karek says they probably were walking, and it had nothing to do with us. But I was there; I believe he was scared—by his behavior and what I felt from his aura at the time. I felt fear and anxiety, and it was not just mine.
I don’t know what they were up to if anything. Karek could be correct, and we just jumped to conclusions. But who walks around town flaunting a rope or any weapon for the matter? Nobody with good intentions at any rate.
If you think about it, what are the protests and violence accomplishing that is so important? Nothing that I can see. More hate, more violence, property destruction and businesses, terrorizing innocent people, and more laws.
I have a love/hate relationship with the idea of the government going after people like this. I wouldn’t want them grabbing innocent people off the street; I realize many “peaceful” protests exist. But there has to be a common ground to get the terrorists off the road, does there not?
Until next time dear diary, Olive
Posted on December 11, 2019
You know what? This morning is not going the way I anticipated. The headache is minimal, at least, but the day is just not going very smoothly.
I ran out of one of my colognes for my Liv-Cocktail. Then my filling fell out of my tooth, so that was wonderful. A big juicy one and then a tiny one, or it was another piece of it. I’m not sure, but it was pretty round, so I don’t know.
I forgot to take my iron which I planned to start for a week, as my palpitations are becoming more and more prevalent and my exhaustion grows. My hair is falling out, so I also planned to start the biotin back up, but I forgot that, too.
And before you start blaming my supplements for all my recent issues, I have not been taking them for a couple of months now. Maybe even three or four; it’s been a while. So if anything, it’s the lack thereof.
Then I locked myself out of my room this morning, so I could not get the opener to go out of the garage. I had to go through the front door; thus, I had to fight the cats to get out. Thankfully, Lera volunteered to help me with that.
I got here this morning, and the drawer is short, oh well. At least that’s not my fault; night-audit likely over dropped. Then I’m rotating the coffee, and the coffee grounds go everywhere, so I had to clean a giant coffee ground mess.
I know there has to be a way for me to control my feelings in all these things that keep happening that are not going the way I want them to go. My biggest thing, I think, is that I’m just not happy, and I don’t know why. Because I’m about to turn 40?
I don’t necessarily think it’s because I’m turning 40, but maybe because I’m turning 40, AND I have nothing to show for it. I’m a lowly desk clerk making barely over minimum wage.
I know I hate my job, I do, and it’s not the employees; they’re all pretty amazing. It’s the guests, the people we have deal with yelling at us. Slow to nonexistent wifi, no shampoo, constantly changing rates, etc.
All the ridiculous things corporate implements specifically to make guests upset with us, so they give us crappy scores, justifying our low pay. I’ve been back for over five years, and I’m still not even making what I was when I left six years ago as a head housekeeper.
That’s ridiculous; I am making like 10 or 20 cents more than those who are just starting here. I know it’s time for me to move on. I’m worth a lot more than that. I do my job well; that’s how I have time to sit here and type this.
So between my job, not exercising when I’m supposed to, being a shitty mother, a shitty daughter, and probably a shitty girlfriend, I feel devastated. I need to teach myself not to care.
My weight goal has been and is currently 133 pounds and 9% bodyfat. I’ve been sober for 229 days, and I’m still stuck at 140-141 pounds. Last time I only made it 120 days, and I got down to 128. What’s up with that?
It’s because I’m eating pastries, chips and even pop sometimes. I’m not drinking my protein shakes twice-a-day and not exercising even once most of the time; I am such a lazy bitch. If you look at it without fogged glasses.
And you know? I thought my biggest issue was Matilda, but I don’t think so. I guess I just used her as a scapegoat because she’s a bully, and she was an easy person to blame for everything. But everything wasn’t her fault, or I wouldn’t feel this way.
Some of it was, she didn’t have to be a bully; she didn’t have to be mean and vile and work hard to make us feel like shit. But even so, everything was not her fault.
If I got paid my worth, I probably would be happy here. I mean, I have a pretty cush job, I do. And I should for getting paid minimum wage. But as long as I have my work done, I can keep an eye on my house, work on Christmas cards or poems or whatever I want to do, like this.
That piece is a plus for this job. But getting paid just a few cents more per hour than the people just starting isn’t fair. I may appear like I don’t work very hard, but that’s only because I bust my ass to get my responsibilities done, so I CAN sit and do nothing. And I don’t get paid to work any harder.
I also think I’m a little traumatized from a few instances that have happened here; one person, in particular, his name was Sean. He kept coming in here and terrorizing me; he was bat shit crazy. One of my friends found out and took care of him, but you know there’s still that little bit of fear in me that he could walk in that door at any time.
Thinking about him, even now, makes me panic. I don’t believe I have ever been more terrified of a single person in my life than this guy. It’s been a couple of years since that happened; I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.
I’ve had to call the police on a few crazies over the years, and Sean takes the cake. There was also Michael, who tried to bash the window in with a chair. And that crazy guy who was screaming outside about a lot of blood and stuff.
And there are other crazy people; anything can happen, especially here where we aren’t allowed to lock doors because guests might feel unsafe. What about me? Being an extremely anxious person, I already know this job is precisely not my cup of tea.
There are just so many things going on in my head that I’m going to get through it today. I’m going to choose not to care. I don’t care if the coffee wants to dump everywhere, or guests want to yell at me because their mommy didn’t pay for their room yet or whatever, bring it.
I should be a happy person; I have a roof over my head, I have kids that I think love me, I have a boyfriend who adores me, I have a job, we’re free (semi) here in this country. All in all, I have no business to be depressed in any way, shape, or form.
I can make it my business to stop it. I know I can learn. I must teach myself to be happy with what I have and with whatever life throws at me because it’s probably not going to get easier.
[Suck it up, buttercup]! I know that that sitting around feeling sorry for myself and hiding in the back office crying is not helping me or anyone else.
Posted on July 9, 2019
Alright so I went to the mandatory meeting today that I was not scheduled for.
I only went for two reasons. One, to be a good example to the other employees. And two, so that I can get an extra hour of pay for going to a meeting we were not scheduled for.
So when I clocked in. I put a note in the comments asking the company to please add one extra hour per scheduled mandatory meeting.
I guess I was supposed to put “per Oregon law” but I didn’t get that in but I think they’ll get the gist. Also, they will also see that our meeting was not even a half an hour long.
I also found out at the end of my meeting that apparently we are not allowed to text each other?!That’s bullshit, just not true at all. It’s just another way for her to try to be in control and nobody’s going to listen and there’s nothing she can do about it.
Posted on June 30, 2019
This was suppose to be posted the other day, woops.
Viveka came in to put in her notice on Thursday and matilda refused to accept it. She told her that she can’t put in her notice unless she’s scheduled and on the clock, she was really, really rude to her. She made her really feel like shit for putting in her notice, told her how she’s letting the team down and blah, blah, blah, guilt tripping her.
Viveka doesn’t even work until next Monday. So now she has an extra four days before she can even put in her notice. So instead of a fourteen day notice basically it is an eighteen day notice and I think that’s bullshit. Viveka called HR And they told her that matilda can do whatever she wants.
So much for calling HR every time she does some thing she shouldn’t. They don’t care, she can literally do anything she wants and have no consequences, including stealing from the company.
Posted on June 27, 2019
This was suppose to post yesterday, oopsy.
As you may or may not know; in the past, I have never ever, ever, ever sat down while at work. And The reason for that is because we are not supposed to have guests see us sitting down. Because you know, we’re not humans and we don’t sit….or eat or drink…
But anyway, so I just never sat ever. I just stood for eight hours all bloody day. Over the last year, I quit caring what guests think. I do stand when i see them coming, but if they see me, oh well.
Between all the times I spend getting yelled at by guests and all the things that corporate does to sabotage us the to make guests mad at us, I’m going to sit.
That being said, I got towork today and discovered that they have been playing ring around the chair, we have three chairs in here. One specifically stays out here. Well, it’s right in front of Matilda’s desk where her normal chair usually is.
Guess what that means all three chairs are probably peed in and I’m not going to bend over and sniff them to figure out if, if any of them are not peed in. I’m sure they reek by now, i was gone for two days.
So I’m really upset that I have to stand indefinitely because I don’t want to sit and pee. Isn’t that shitty? Or pissy, rather?
Anyway, so we have our director of operations in town, we’ll call him Preston. We don’t know why he’s here, i guess we’ll find out.
He just came to do his quarterly thing it appears. He only visited a short while and moved on.
Funny, matilda says i can take my lunch whenever i want🤔 I’ve had to take it at 1130 for months now because one can’t go over six hours without a lunch. She said 12 is fine, and i said 1145 is six hours. She said the important thing is that we take a lunch at some point.
Posted on June 23, 2019
She came in yesterday TO DO HER LAUNDRY!Man, I wish that I could just come here and do all my laundry, and have the company pay my electricity and water to get my shit clean. That’d be awesome.Whatever. She gets away with everything. Always will.
So anyway, the next shift came in to take over for me, we’ll call her Viveka, and we did our shift swap. Viveka had coloured her hair with some red above the black. Looks okay to me.
But our wonderful g.m. we’ll call her matilda, looked at her hair and wanted to know what she did to it. matilda very visibly did not like her hair. No “hey your hair is pretty” or “you look really nice today” or something positive. Instead, before she walked away she said, “We’ll see how they like it.”Whatever that means, I don’t know who they is, but whatever. All i know is she thrives on others’ misery. Let me tell you a little story.
Our mod that just left, we’ll call him Trigger, is really into guns and a few years ago, I was waiting for my ride after work. I was either the head housekeeper that day or I had been the a.m. shift and he was the p.m. and he was taking over.Regardless, he had just bought himself a $500something gun. He was really, really excited about it. Like he was showing us videos of him shooting it and stuff like that like he was so happy!
Well matilda came out and he told her about his new toy, showed her pics and he was so excited about it and all she could do was be negative.She said; among other things, “I don’t know why anybody would want to waste so much money on something stupid like that who even needs to have something like that”….. blah blah blah blah blah
I was sitting there watching. And I literally watched his excitement dwindle down to nothing. I could see he was borderline depressed, she ruined it for him. He wasn’t happy and bubbly about it anymore. That was awful.And that’s that’s just how she is, she’s very good at making you feel like you’re stupid. Ironic huh?
Hopefully she won’t come in today and I won’t have to see her til Wednesday…But if she does come in, I’ll have another entry. Have a wonderful day.
Posted on June 21, 2019
So, I have a picture of the schedule with the mod scheduled as my coverage for the 20th. So she did change the schedule.Unfortunately, out of the two people that were affected one doesn’t give a shit and the other is scared of getting in trouble and losing their job. So they’re both not wanting to report it. Isn’t that wonderful.And again, she just gets away with everythin. But, at least for my own mental stability, I can know see that I was correct because I was starting to question myself.So, yeah, I win the argument. Unfortunately, she’s still wins the case.However, i just found out the manager isn’t coming in today, it’s the new mod!! I’m ecstatic. I see he’s already got his number available to us in case we need him, we don’t even have the manager’s phone number!
Posted on June 20, 2019
The last few weeks. My phone has been deleting pictures that it thinks are duplicates without asking me. Like the other day I went to look at the nail pictures that I have saved over the years and there should have been hundreds, and there was only fiftysome pictures.
That has happened a few times and I’m just like whatever if I don’t know about it it doesn’t matter, what i don’t know won’t hurt me. However, I lost one of the pictures of the schedule.
And unfortunately it is the exact one that I need. Remember, I told you about how she changed the schedule?
Well, for whatever reason, I don’t have the picture anymore. So this morning the audit guy messaged me and said that there was nobody there to take over for him. Because that was suppose to be the asst head housekeeper.
I messaged her and she didn’t answer. For a really long time. I even messaged the head housekeeper to message her. I told her that she needed to call HR because her schedule is changed with that telling her.
When she finally messaged me back she was at work and she basically acted like there was nothing wrong, and she even told me that the gm had told her yesterday she was hhk today but desk, that it was a typo. I was the one that was supposed to work it today but she forgot to change it (yesterday?). No, I wasn’t. That was not the original.
SHE took it off of the mod, and SHE put it on the to the assistant head housekeeper and SHE didn’t tell anyone, nor did SHE schedule a hhk as the assnt was originally the hhk.
Anyway, then she told me that she was not going to argue with me. Argue? WTF… So, obviously we know what side of the road she’s on. So, yeah.
No, I don’t think so, no typo, just illegal schedule tampering that will have no consequences.
Qnd this is why I should quit forgetting that co workers are just that, they’re co workers. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s the second to burn me in less than a year.
Whatever, so she gets away with it again. Nothing’s gonna be done. Even now that it’s against the law she can still do whatever she wants. It doesn’t matter.
I was trying to write this earlier, but I have just been so depressed all day because of this. I mean, I was ecstatic at the beginning because I was like wow she’s finally gonna get in trouble for doing this crap.
And then the person that us directly affected won’t do anything.
So, I don’t know, my eyes burn from crying. It’s nearly 1630 hours and I’m probably just going to feed the kids soon because I feel like crying again. And now I have to go to work tomorrow and deal with her.
Hopefully the asst hhk didn’t show her my msgs. I told her that she had no business changing the schedule blah blah blah. I didn’t say anything that I could get in trouble for. But she’ll use it against me mentally, and do whatever she can to sabotage me, and she will win. She always does.
Whatever, I just don’t care anymore. there’s no point in trying, I’ll keep this stupid journal, but I’m sure it’s for not. She’s gonna live till she’s 104 and she’ll be there all the way until then because she sold her soul as a devil. That is the only answer.
Posted on June 17, 2019
She asked me what my normal days off have been and then asked if i wanted them back. I have no idea if she’s going to do that or not. It’s Monday afternoon and the schedule is still not up for next week so nobody knows their schedule🤔
I don’t know if she asked to change the assistant hhk and new mod if she could change their schedules, i didn’t ask…i can’t report that anyway because it doesn’t affect me.
However, that schedule was hung last weekend and she changed it Friday, three days ago. Sigh. Whatever.. I’ll just keep documenting.
Myself and this website are a work in progress. One day at time I work toward my dreams of becoming a professional bodybuilder, writer and photographer on the side.