Day Four: Typical Behaviour

She’s pretty close to back to normal. Cycling through anger, sadness, love, sorrow and regret, but that’s just her.

The investigator says she will for sure not be in beyond Monday, and she could get out earlier. I’m a little anxious, but it’s gonna have to happen.

When she’s being rude it’s really hard to keep a smile and continue to tell her it’s gonna be okay. Makes me wanna just walk away, and if i didn’t love her i would.

I don’t even want to talk about it cause it makes me want to cry. I have too much to do today to prepare if she’s gonna end up getting out this week.

Last night i was shi exhausted after seeing her i was asleep within minutes of my head hitting my pillow. I’ll write more after i see her today.

Day Three: Lucid

She doesn’t remember the last couple days. But she slept and she came back to reality.

She finally got some sleep last night. She woke up lucid. She called me at 6AM crying that she wanted to go home, asked me what happened. She remembers nothing.

She is very alert and knows exactly what’s going on. They weren’t really paying attention to her wants until i got there. She’d been asking for a nicotine patch and toridol shot all day.

Immediately upon my finding out, they were contacting the doctor about it. She had a patch within, i would say, 15 minutes. Then they brought her imitrex, said he wants to try that before a toridol shot. Carizma stated sometimes imitrex does work, so that was good.

She was cycling through emotions, fear, anger and anxiety. She said she doesn’t feel safe there. She said this is all my fault for making her take that prozac when she was seven.

Her boyfriend also broke up with her this morning (Monday) via phone. She called him and he said he didn’t know what else to tell her than the truth about why he wasn’t going to come see her. So that’s not helping her case. I did tell her nurse so they would be aware of it.

Sad thing is, he can lie about everything in the universe except the most important thing. But i guess he probably really didn’t expect her to be calling him, probably caught him off guard. Maybe it was for the best, finding out when she got out might make her flip. Now she can be past that when she gets out.

On another note, Tim’s brother Jeff is in the hospital and probably won’t make it through the night…. they use to be pretty good buddies so I’m not sure how this is going to effect her.

Prozac Fries Your Brain

Day Two: Retrograde

Once i finally got to see her, she was worse than last time.

This morning i called the hospital right when i woke up. The nurse was obvious-verbally irritated with me and wanted to know why i was calling her she just got done talking to me but i just woke up. I won’t go on about that as i already put it in my last post.

I went to the hospital about 0820 and one of the nurses that was really good with her last time came out, we’ll call him Michael. He talked to me about how she’s been. Looked at her pill box i brought to show she may have taken too many pills Saturday. He looked them all up and said he was going to research that later.

He advised that it might not be such a good idea to see her, and due to his kindness to her last time i agreed to wait. I did not leave the hospital, and after about an hour i called to let them know i was out there if the doctor came in and wanted to talk to me. A couple minutes later they came and said the doctor wanted to talk to me.

It was actually his p.a. but she was really nice and sat there and talked to me a good forty minutes. She was very interested in all aspects of carizma’s mental past. I tried to remember all the information that is important. She is leaning toward withdrawals from the geodon being stopped cold turkey.

Then she asked if i was ready to see her and i told her what that nurse said and she said it would fine but if i want she could go double check with the doctor. I said okay.

She was gone a couple minutes and the door opened and they were trying to get her to come in to the room. She was fighting them, i stood up and walked towards her telling her it was me. I saw no recognition in her eyes. She started batting at me too and told us to get away from her. They let her walk out and followed her.

Then a different male nurse came in and said he’d take me out. I was crying and said she didn’t even know me. He replied, “she recognized you, she just didn’t want to see you”.

That was kind of rude, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him elsewhere in the hospital with Tim’s sister, he was her nurse, and he wasn’t a jackass then. In fact, he was her favourite. 🤷‍♀️

I’ve been home on my bed ever since. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t feel like eating, i don’t have the energy to workout, even though carizma would want me to get off my ass and get it done. I can’t get to sleep all the way, kinda like sleeping with one eye opened.

I called the hospital and they’re not letting her have any more visitors today. She’s too agitated and not reacted well to all her visitors today. She’s not sleeping or eating and she’s talking a hundred miles an hour. She is on one to one, requiring someone with her at all times.

This is so much worse than last time. I have to go to work in the morning, then i can go see her. I feel doom running through my blood and it won’t go away.

angel, me, carizma, saraia.

Day One: No Sleep

They changed meds and now she’s back in the hospital, serotonin syndrome hit again! My experience with her starts at about 2330 last night…i finally got to sleep not too long before and she wakes me up with a cup of coffee.

“Why?” I asked. “you wanted a cup”, she replied. “No, i was asleep”, i said. Quite upset, she replied, “no, i asked you if i could make a cup and you told me to just make a pot so you can have one!” I didn’t.

That was the beginning of one long night. She couldn’t get to sleep. She would lie down for a couple minutes, almost be asleep then bam, she’s up and babbling incoherently. Almost every time she would go straight to the kitchen. Must hand it to Slade, he was pretty good on keeping her out of trouble and taking her back into her room.

She tried cooking links and potato patties and made another cup of coffee. She poored a glass of milk. She turned on the burner and put her cup of coffee on it. At one point she went in to get something to eat and started messing with Tyler’s ramen he was cooking, she took it off the burner and was stirring it when i got in there to see why she was up again.

She tried getting the cat ready for a bath. Had conversations with nobody, asked Tyler where Anjel went and got real angry when he said she hadn’t been here. She tried to tighten Lucian’s collar saying i told her it was too loose. I took him away.

Finally, at 0300 i gave up trying to sleep and got up to do dishes. She comes in and stands there. I asked if she was okay. She responded, “i won’t be if someone don’t give me some crackers!”. I told her there was a box of cereal right there. She asked for a bowl. I handed it to her and she filled it and handed it to me. I asked what she was doing. “You wanted a bowl of cereal”.

I told her on many different occasions over the night that i wanted her to stop taking her new meds. She would get angry every time. She said she can’t handle the withdrawals. I told her that’s impossible as she’s only been in them a few four or five.

At 0530 i had to leave for work, i had no choice, i can’t have anybody pulling a double, i just had to suck it up. I started msging Desiree and Sean, i needed one or both of them to babysit her and decide if she should go in. Was unable to reach Sean but after a few hours of msging Desiree on all platforms possible she got right up and came to my house. She is the sister in never had, for sure!

Ultimately, she took her to the hospital. They waited quite a while and finally got her in triage. Anjel got too anxious with her behaviour and she traded with Desiree. Carizma didn’t like that, as Desiree is the one who brought her there. They kicked her out and called a code gray. I looked it up.

“Code Gray” is one of the standardized Hospital Emergency Codes, and alerts all staff to potentially or actively combative persons. These range from stubborn patients, to abusive friends and relatives thereof, to literally anyone being thoroughly unpleasant within hospital confines…including other staff with grievances. See credit below.

Security guards went back and they basically put her on lock down for nearly three hours. Then we demand information and the nurse came out and told is they had to give her haldol to calm her down. She said they were getting ready to move her to the psych ward and for us to go there in about ten minutes to see her.

We went there in about twenty and they didn’t have her or any orders to receive her and they sent us back to e.r. So we went back and they said she was asking for me. Once i got to her i was pretty certain she did not actually request me.

The nurse guarding those rooms told me she took off all her clothes and he didn’t feel comfortable trying to dress her. She had thrown her clothes across the room and was wrapped in a blanket, sitting on the bed. Took about ten minutes, but i coaxed her into her clothes.

She was in no way coherent the entirety of my visit outside of one teeny time, she bent over to pick up something invisible and she started crying that she didn’t want to be there and was scared they’d keep her for a long time. This lasted maybe twenty seconds and that’s probably pushing it, then she was picking up her tattoo cream and dabbing it on.

[I finally slept after 42 hours]

Through all this she was periodically “picking up her vape” and taking puffs. She walked into the wall a few times and laughed, she said it was the third time she’d done that. She played with her “cat” at one time she freaked out it lost too much weight and i told her he would get better cause we had gotten antibiotic from the vet and she calmed down and moved on to other things.

I really wish i could remember more details but i was so sleep deprived i just can’t remember specific things she was saying, most all of nonsense.

I called this morning to check on her, the nurse was irritated, told me i just called her. I said, “what? I JUST woke up…” she said. “Oh, what’s your name?”. I told her and she said, “ok, well i can’t give you any information, there is no release of information.”. Of course i started crying. I said, “what am i suppose to do, do i need to get a lawyer? She isn’t going to sign anything, she’s incoherent.”. She replied, “good point, let me look into our options.” She put me on hold for about a minute.

She came back and said, “we need to have the release of information, so come on in this morning and we’ll get her to sign it.”. I asked if she can at least tell me if she’s okay. She said she can tell me nothing. (They did last time before she signed it), i think she was just being a bitch.

I don’t get it, how can she sign it while she’s incoherent and it be legal? If she can sign that and it be legal and if she can sign her rights over to them like last time and it was legal, than she should be able to sign over guardianship to me and it be legal.

Maybe i should contact a lawyer. I live on basically mininum wage, i doubt they’d see me anyway. I don’t know what to do.